In a stunning display of performative allyship that would make even RuPaul blush, renowned influencer Chad Thundercock – known for his controversial opinions on everything from the proper way to fold a fitted sheet to the existential dread of avocado toast – has launched a limited-edition Pride clothing line. This comes just weeks after he released a viral TikTok decrying the 'over-saturation' of LGBTQ+ representation and the supposed 'forced inclusivity' that's 'ruining his aesthetic.'
Chad, whose Instagram feed is a testament to heteronormative luxury – think yachts, Lamborghinis, and strategically placed bottles of Veuve Clicquot – lamented the 'woke mob' in a since-deleted Instagram story. He expressed his concern that the 'rainbow agenda' was impacting the ability to 'properly appreciate a well-crafted protein shake post.' This, he explained, was 'a serious threat to his brand integrity.' His 'brand integrity,' we remind you, is built on promoting expensive items while expressing his disdain for social issues.
His new line, aptly named 'Gay-tastically Profitable,' features a range of rainbow-colored merchandise, including $250 t-shirts bearing slogans like, 'I'm not gay, but my wallet is,' and 'Straight Pride? Honey, I'm not even slightly bent.' Chad claims the collection represents his 'unwavering commitment to inclusivity, so long as it doesn't interfere with my personal aesthetic or profit margins.'
The collection is expected to sell out quickly. Marketing materials feature Chad sipping a protein shake while wearing a rainbow-colored bandana, looking absolutely miserable. Analysts suggest this relatable display of displeasure with his own activism resonates strongly with the target demographic: 'people who think 'woke' is a disease, but love a good bargain.'
Critics, naturally, are calling the venture a blatant attempt at capitalizing on Pride month while simultaneously mocking the very community he's supposedly supporting. But Chad remains unfazed, tweeting, 'I'm not sure what the fuss is all about. Isn't that the whole point of capitalism?', and adding the hashtag #blessed. Honestly, at this point, who's even surprised?
