In a stunning display of political acrobatics that would make even Nadia Comăneci blush, Senator Bartholomew 'Bart' Higgins, known for his recent comments describing Pride parades as 'a parade of perversion' and 'a rainbow-colored riot,' has launched a groundbreaking new LGBTQ+ charity: 'Gays for Days.' This move has left the nation scratching its heads, wondering if Higgins has suddenly undergone a spiritual awakening… or maybe just a very strategic rebranding.

Higgins, who famously called drag queens 'disgusting displays of degeneracy' just last Tuesday, now insists his new charity will fund 'life-affirming initiatives for the queer community.' These initiatives, according to a suspiciously vague press release, include 'promoting the joy of glitter,' 'research on the societal impact of fabulousness,' and 'expanding the availability of rainbow-colored everything.'

Sources say the charity's launch party featured a surprisingly diverse selection of snacks, ranging from artisanal cheeses (presumably made by 'artisanal gay cheesemakers,' a Higgins spokesperson clarified) to an impressive assortment of kale chips (thought to be a subtle nod to the 'kale-idoscope' of the LGBTQ+ community). One attendee even reported seeing Higgins attempting a rather awkward rendition of 'Dancing Queen' – a bold move for a man who previously equated disco music with the 'moral decay of the West.'

The internet, of course, has erupted. Memes comparing Higgins to a particularly flamboyant chameleon are trending, while others wonder if his charity is simply a preemptive measure to dodge any future accusations of homophobia. The hashtag #GaysForDays has predictably become a battleground of both heartfelt support and hilarious mockery. One Twitter user, under the handle @QueeriousGeorge, astutely pointed out, 'If I donate, do I get a tax break *and* a free pair of rainbow-striped Crocs?'

Regardless of the underlying motivations, one thing is certain: Bart Higgins has achieved the unlikely feat of turning homophobic outrage into a surprisingly profitable venture. And while the cynics may point to this as an example of political opportunism, the truly committed can simply see it as another testament to the enduring power of love, acceptance, and a really, really fabulous PR campaign.