In a shocking turn of events that has left the internet simultaneously baffled and ablaze with GIF reactions (mostly of confused-looking cats), renowned conservative radio host, Bartholomew 'Bart' Davidson, has publicly mocked the use of gender-neutral pronouns, only to immediately afterward legally change his name to a sprawling, pronoun-inclusive monstrosity.
Davidson, known for his fiery pronouncements against 'woke culture' and his unwavering belief that the earth is flat (and also made of cheese, according to his latest tweet), reportedly declared on air, "This whole pronoun thing is absolute nonsense! It's a slippery slope to… well, to more slippery slopes! Like, next thing you know, we'll be identifying as toasters!"
Moments later, his lawyer, a surprisingly cheerful individual named Brenda Glitterhoof, confirmed the name change. "Bart, or should I say, They/Themself/He/She/It/Xe/Ze/Whatever-the-Heck-You-Want-to-Call-Me-Honestly-I'm-Confused-Too-Davidson, felt strongly that embracing the full spectrum of pronoun possibilities was the most effective way to satirize the left's perceived 'obsession' with inclusivity," Glitterhoof stated, before bursting into a surprisingly accurate rendition of 'Bohemian Rhapsody'.
The internet, predictably, exploded. Some hailed it as a masterpiece of ironic performance art, while others called for a nationwide ban on cheese. One particularly eloquent commenter, identifying only as 'CaptainObvious69', wrote: "I think Bart… uh… *They*… missed the point, but in the most spectacularly hilarious way possible." Others expressed confusion on how to even address the newly-minted, pronoun-polymorphic Davidson, leading to a wave of creative and increasingly absurd attempts at proper etiquette. One particularly popular suggestion involved simply shouting "Hey, you!" until a response was achieved.
The only question that remains is, what's next for the new Davidson? Will They/Themself/He/She/It/Xe/Ze/Whatever-the-Heck-You-Want-to-Call-Me-Honestly-I'm-Confused-Too-Davidson embrace the full fluidity of gender identity, or will this be a one-time, spectacularly self-own-y act of rebellion? Only time, and a whole lot of therapy, will tell.
