In a shocking twist worthy of a RuPaul's Drag Race finale lip-sync, Judge Theodore Hardwick, the very man who issued a controversial injunction banning drag performances in the city, has been outed – or rather, *in-outed* – as a secret drag king named 'Justice RuPaul'. Sources say the judge's alter ego involves copious amounts of glitter, a surprisingly impressive beard, and a signature move called the 'Gavel-Drop,' which involves dropping a gavel onto a strategically placed inflatable judge's gavel while singing a heavily autotuned rendition of 'Respect'.
Hardwick, who previously cited 'community standards' and the 'delicate sensibilities of children' (presumably children who have yet to witness a glitter bomb exploding mid-death drop) as reasons for the ban, has remained tight-lipped. However, leaked photos from a clandestine drag king competition held in a local bingo hall show a remarkably similar figure to Judge Hardwick sporting a full-bodied sequined jumpsuit, a majestic wig, and what appears to be a judge's robe repurposed into a show-stopping cape. In one photo, he appears to be receiving a critique on his 'dad bod' from a drag queen who bears a striking resemblance to Michelle Visage.
"It’s all about balance," a cryptic statement attributed to ‘Justice RuPaul’ reads in a handwritten note found taped to a courthouse water cooler. "You gotta know the rules to break them, honey! And let me tell you, the rules of drag are… fabulous. Plus, the tips are better than what I make on the bench." The note concludes with a winking emoji that appears to be a judge's gavel dressed in drag.
Many are questioning the judge's ethical considerations, while others are applauding his commitment to irony and his bold exploration of gender fluidity. Local LGBTQ+ advocates have called for a public performance by 'Justice RuPaul' at the next city council meeting, arguing it would be a powerful and hilarious example of 'subverting the patriarchy through a well-timed death drop.' Meanwhile, Hardwick's legal team is reportedly drafting a new injunction, this time against the unauthorized leaking of 'Justice RuPaul' performance footage. The battle for drag rights, it seems, just got a whole lot more… fabulous.
