In a move that has left political pundits scratching their heads (and possibly questioning their sanity), Senator Barnaby Butterfield, known for his staunchly traditional views, has banned the display of rainbow flags on all government property. The ban, he claims, is a necessary measure to 'cut down on frivolous spending' and 'maintain a focus on core government functions.' Specifically, the core function of…baking artisanal rainbow cupcakes, apparently.
Just hours after the controversial ban was announced, Senator Butterfield cut the ribbon on 'Rainbowlicious,' a vibrant, flag-festooned cafe offering a dizzying array of rainbow-themed treats. The cafe boasts a 'patriotic' rainbow-swirl ice cream, a 'fiscal responsibility' rainbow layer cake, and a 'unity-in-diversity' rainbow crepe. Prices are, naturally, quite steep, with a single cupcake costing more than the average taxpayer's contribution to the Senator's campaign fund.
'It's a matter of efficiency,' explained Senator Butterfield, while personally frosting a particularly flamboyant rainbow cupcake. 'We're saving money on flag procurement by focusing our resources on something far more productive...like providing overpriced pastel-colored desserts to the local elite.'
Critics have pointed out the blatant hypocrisy, noting the significant cost of outfitting the cafe and its remarkably lavish decor. Butterfield dismissed such concerns, stating, 'The rainbow flag ban was purely symbolic. The rainbow *cafe*, however, is a powerful statement about economic growth and entrepreneurship. It's a win-win! Or maybe a win-lose-win-win… for me, anyway.' He then winked knowingly, taking a large bite of his rainbow confectionery and nearly getting a bit of it on his impeccably tailored suit. Security quickly intervened, delicately removing the rogue frosting with a gold-plated napkin.
When asked whether he planned to donate a portion of the cafe's profits to LGBTQ+ charities, the Senator simply smiled and said, 'Tax write-offs are quite complicated. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to inspect the quality of the rainbow macarons.'
