In a stunning display of unintentional activism, Ms. Agatha Thistlewick, a fifth-grade teacher at the ironically named Straightlaced Elementary, has ignited a firestorm of controversy after accidentally assigning a children's book celebrating two dads, *Daddy's Home: A Gay Agenda*, as homework. The assignment, intended to be a harmless story about fluffy bunnies – *Fluffy Bunnies Go to the Farm* – was a victim of a rogue stapler and a chaotic supply closet, resulting in a textbook case of 'woke' mayhem.

The ensuing uproar is, shall we say, *intense*. Parents, clutching pearls and copies of *The Handmaid's Tale*, stormed the school board meeting, chanting slogans like 'Save the Children! (From Pronouns!)' and 'Keep the Gays Away From My Kids (Except for the ones that make money on Instagram, those are okay)'. One particularly agitated parent, a Mr. Chad Bro-man, claimed the book's illustrations were a 'direct assault on his masculinity,' which he described as 'fragile, yet somehow simultaneously capable of single-handedly rescuing kittens from trees'.

Meanwhile, the students themselves, armed with glitter glue and rainbow-colored pencils, have formed a 'Genderbread Person' fan club, organizing a bake sale to raise funds for a school-wide gender studies program. Ms. Thistlewick, overwhelmed by the unexpected response, has reportedly doubled down, adding a drag queen story time to the curriculum, complete with a full production of *RuPaul's Drag Race: Junior Edition* to be staged at graduation.

The situation has sparked a national debate: Is this a blatant example of the liberal elite's insidious plan to indoctrinate America's youth with 'woke' ideologies, or simply a hilarious case of mistaken identity fueled by an overabundance of brightly colored, gender-affirming literature? We're not sure, but one thing's for certain: this story is way more interesting than *Fluffy Bunnies Go to the Farm*. Let the pronouns fly!