In a stunning display of cognitive dissonance that would make a quantum physicist weep, social media influencer Karen Karadashian has launched a dazzling new Pride clothing line, just weeks after vehemently denouncing LGBTQ+ trends as ‘grooming’ and a ‘woke agenda.’ The collection, ironically dubbed ‘Rainbow Capitalism: Own Your Sparkle,’ features a range of dazzlingly overpriced rainbow-sequined garments, including a $700 ‘Heteronormativity-Challenging’ onesie and a $1,200 ‘Gender-Fluid’ jumpsuit (sizes XS-S only, because ‘body positivity is a myth’).

Karadashian, known for her insightful pronouncements like ‘Avocado toast is the downfall of Western Civilization’ and ‘Millennials are ruining everything,’ explained her about-face with a now-deleted Instagram reel. In the reel, she claimed to have undergone a profound spiritual awakening after watching a particularly insightful TikTok on the economic benefits of exploiting social justice movements. ‘I was wrong,’ she sobbed dramatically into the camera, before showcasing a particularly shimmering pair of rainbow Crocs. ‘The gays have the market cornered on glitter, and frankly, I want a piece of the pie. Plus, think of the Instagram likes!’

Critics have slammed the move, calling it ‘the epitome of performative allyship’ and a ‘glaring example of capitalist exploitation of marginalized communities.’ One commenter, user @QueerAsFolk_69, wrote, ‘Honey, this ain’t even rainbow capitalism, it’s the whole goddamn ROYGBIV spectrum of corporate greed!’

Despite the backlash, Karadashian remains unfazed. Her publicist released a statement claiming the line is meant to ‘empower the individual through the transcendent power of sparkly things.’ A limited-edition ‘I Regret Nothing’ T-shirt is already sold out, proving, once again, that irony is a currency that pays very well indeed. Meanwhile, experts are baffled. ‘It's like she's actively trying to prove that the entire concept of woke is just a marketing ploy,’ commented Dr. Chad Chadlington, a leading expert in… well, let’s just say he has an impressive collection of ironic t-shirts himself.

Stay tuned for more updates as this baffling saga continues to unfold, possibly involving even more glitter, questionable life choices, and the inevitable appearance of a collaboration with Kanye West.