In a shocking twist that has sent ripples of confusion (and frankly, mild terror) through the hallowed halls of academia, renowned physicist Dr. Chad Thundercock has publicly denounced LGBTQ+ studies as "utter nonsense," only to immediately publish a groundbreaking paper titled, "Queer Theory and the Unexpected Heterosexuality of the Pythagorean Theorem."
Dr. Thundercock, known for his staunchly heteronormative views (he once suggested gravity was 'a masculine force, holding everything down like a good wife'), claimed that "all this gender stuff is just...unnecessary." He then went on to meticulously detail how the concept of 'right angles' in geometry metaphorically represents the inherent 'straightness' of the universe, while simultaneously arguing that any deviation from said right angle is, in fact, a vibrant celebration of queerness.
"See?" Dr. Thundercock explained, gesturing wildly with a protractor, "this 45-degree angle? That's your fabulous, flamboyant bisexual cousin! A little off-kilter, sure, but still adding to the beauty of the whole thing!" His presentation was reportedly accompanied by a PowerPoint presentation featuring glitter cannons and a remix of 'YMCA' played on a didgeridoo.
The scientific community is, understandably, baffled. "He's either experiencing a severe mid-life crisis, or he's onto something," commented Dr. Brenda 'Bisexual Badass' Buttercup, a leading astrophysicist. "I'm leaning toward 'both.'"
Some critics have accused Dr. Thundercock of intentionally using exaggerated inclusivity narratives to trigger homophobic reactions. One prominent conservative columnist, Mr. 'Get Off My Lawn' Grimshaw, called the paper "a blatant attack on common sense." Which, naturally, Dr. Thundercock interpreted as 'a subtle nod of appreciation from a closeted ally'.
Meanwhile, the paper has become a viral sensation on TikTok, with countless users creating dance challenges based on its highly complex and entirely nonsensical mathematical equations. The trend is currently known as the '#GayAnglesChallenge'. So, while the academic world remains deeply divided, one thing is certain: Dr. Thundercock's unexpected foray into queer theory has undeniably made geometry...well, a little gayer.
