In a move that has left the internet simultaneously baffled and erect, CEO of MegaCorp, Chad Thundercock, has banned all rainbow-themed advertisements from his company's upcoming campaign, claiming they're 'too on the nose.' Simultaneously, he's been photographed strutting into a shareholder's meeting sporting a rainbow suit so flamboyant, it could single-handedly cure homophobia (or at least give it a really bad migraine).
The suit, described by fashion critics as a ‘visual explosion of fabulousness that could only be birthed from the unholy union of a disco ball and a unicorn,’ features sequins, feathers, and a shimmering cascade of rainbow-colored fringe. Thundercock, apparently channeling his inner RuPaul, paired the ensemble with a pair of knee-high rainbow boots, a top hat adorned with miniature pride flags, and a bejeweled cane that subtly reads, "Honey, I'm late for my own pride parade."
The ban on rainbow ads, which was reportedly explained in a company-wide email laden with corporate jargon and sprinkled with the word "synergy," has been met with outrage from LGBTQ+ activists. "It's the ultimate gaslighting," proclaimed activist Brenda Stonewall, while adjusting her own stunning rainbow-embellished beret. "He's like the villain in a sitcom who tries to be secretly supportive while sabotaging everything at the same time. Except, you know, this villain is wearing a dazzling rainbow suit."
Marketing analysts are divided. Some suggest it's a blatant attempt at generating buzz. Others believe it's a brilliant strategy to win over the LGBTQ+ community through sheer, unadulterated queer energy. Whatever it is, the situation has achieved peak irony; the rainbow ban is overshadowed by the rainbow suit – a testament to the fact that sometimes, the only way to fight blatant homophobia is to embrace its flamboyant opposite with the sheer force of a thousand glitter cannons.
Sources close to Thundercock have hinted that the suit was designed by his new boyfriend, a transgender fashion designer named Gigi LaGlam, which further fuels the ongoing speculation about Thundercock's deeply ironic, possibly genius, marketing strategy, or simply a spectacularly public coming-out via fabulous apparel. The world may never know. One thing is certain, however: the internet is having a field day.
