In a stunning twist that has left the internet simultaneously screeching and combusting, former congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard, known for her… *unique* brand of conservatism, has announced a new reality TV show: ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race: Redemption.’ The show, slated to air on Fox News (naturally), will feature a diverse cast of drag queens undergoing makeovers… makeovers designed to, and I quote Gabbard’s press release, ‘restore their inherent femininity.’
Gabbard, who previously condemned drag queens as ‘groomers’ and ‘an affront to God and country,’ now claims the show is a ‘patriotic mission’ to ‘salvage these poor lost souls from the clutches of the liberal elite.’ Her reasoning? Apparently, all those sequins and lashes were just a *phase*—a phase that needs a swift, televised intervention.
The show’s premise is delightfully batty. Each episode will feature a drag queen undergoing a rigorous transformation, stripping away their ‘outlandish’ personas to reveal their ‘true, God-fearing selves.’ This apparently involves significant hair removal, extensive contouring (to achieve a ‘more traditionally feminine’ look), and mandatory viewings of ‘The Sound of Music.’
Guest judges will include former Miss Americas, a panel of conservative pastors, and surprisingly, RuPaul himself, who has signed on for what he calls a ‘wildly lucrative, yet strangely soul-crushing’ experience.
Critics have reacted with a predictable blend of outrage and bewilderment. GLAAD released a statement calling the show ‘a dangerous display of performative allyship and thinly-veiled transphobia masquerading as a redemption arc.’ Meanwhile, Twitter is currently experiencing a server overload from the sheer volume of memes featuring Gabbard in a full-face beat, ironically showcasing the very thing she condemns.
Will the queens embrace their ‘inner femininity?’ Will Gabbard learn the true meaning of acceptance? Will the world survive the sheer cognitive dissonance of this show? Only time, and a healthy dose of ironic popcorn, will tell. Stay tuned for the inevitable dumpster fire.
