In a stunning twist that has sent shockwaves through the already-frazzled fabric of the scientific community (and possibly the entire spacetime continuum), renowned geneticist Dr. Chad Thundercock – yes, *that* Chad Thundercock – has announced that after years of rigorous research, he has definitively proven that LGBTQ+ genes simply do not exist. This groundbreaking revelation came just hours before his lavish, rainbow-themed wedding to his partner, Chad Thundercock Jr. (no relation, they assure us, although their uncanny resemblance to each other is...striking).

Dr. Thundercock, sporting a sparkly rainbow tie over his lab coat (presumably containing traces of glitter and unicorn tears), explained his findings in a press conference filled with more glitter cannons than actual scientific data. "My research conclusively proves," he declared, while a drag queen in a lab coat mime-danced behind him, "that the existence of LGBTQ+ people is entirely due to a powerful, inexplicable force… of pure, unadulterated love and fabulousness."

Critics, mostly comprised of people who still think avocado toast is a luxury, were quick to express their outrage. One particularly irate individual, identified only as 'Karen from Facebook,' accused Dr. Thundercock of "pushing his woke agenda" and demanded to know if the research was funded by George Soros (it wasn't, it was funded by a surprisingly generous donation from RuPaul).

Meanwhile, Dr. Thundercock's newly minted husband, Chad Thundercock Jr., remained unfazed. "Chad and I prove that love is love," he said while showing off a breathtaking engagement ring that appears to be a miniature disco ball. "It's far too dazzling, and quite frankly, too fabulous to explain using primitive concepts like 'genetics'."

The scientific community remains divided, with some celebrating the news as proof that humanity is far more complex than a simple DNA sequence, and others claiming this is definitive proof of the impending zombie apocalypse. Stay tuned for further updates as we delve deeper into the science – or lack thereof – behind this truly baffling, yet undeniably fabulous, discovery.