In a shocking turn of events that has sent ripples of confusion (and frankly, mild terror) through the normally placid town of Willow Creek, activist Barnaby Butterfield has declared war on… gender-neutral pronouns. Yes, you read that right. Butterfield, a man whose beard rivals a particularly robust squirrel's winter stash, argues that the ubiquitous 'they/them' is far too mainstream, lacking the necessary edge to truly express the kaleidoscopic spectrum of gender identity. His solution? 'Xe/Xem.'

"They/them is so... *basic*," Butterfield declared in a press conference held amidst a chaotic scene involving interpretive dance and a surprisingly large quantity of glitter cannons. "It's the beige cardigan of pronouns! We need something bolder, something that screams individuality, something that will finally make Karen from accounting truly understand the nuances of gender fluidity."

Butterfield's declaration has been met with a mixed response. While some applaud his commitment to expanding pronoun options (mostly those who’ve been accidentally misgendered as ‘they’ while ordering lattes), others are less enthused. Local baker, Agnes Periwinkle, expressed concern that the new pronoun would be too difficult to fit onto her custom-made gender-reveal cupcakes. Mayor Mildred McMillan, a woman whose political career seems predicated on avoiding any situation requiring more than three syllables, has simply stated, "Huh?"

The controversy has reached fever pitch, with online debates raging about the pronunciation of 'xem' (is it like 'zem' or 'zhem'? The internet is currently divided, with Team Zem gaining a slight lead in the poll), and accusations flying that Butterfield's entire campaign is a thinly veiled attempt to reignite the Great Pronoun Wars of 2022. (Which, let's be honest, ended with the decisive victory of 'they/them' over 'ze/hir' and the subsequent disappearance of 'thon' – a pronoun best left undisturbed in the archives of internet history).

Butterfield remains unfazed, promising to continue his crusade until every single citizen of Willow Creek has mastered 'xe/xem,' even if it means personally teaching every Golden Retriever in town to use the pronoun correctly. Stay tuned for updates – we'll keep you posted as this surprisingly bizarre story unfolds. And if you see Barnaby, please ask him to turn down the glitter cannons; they're making my contact lenses itchy.