In a shocking turn of events that has left the internet simultaneously bewildered and slightly aroused, Chad Thundercock, a previously outspoken critic of transgender athletes participating in women's sports, has undergone a dramatic metamorphosis, emerging as a leading advocate for trans rights.
Thundercock, whose initial comments about trans women in sports were described by some as ‘less than flattering’ (others used stronger language, involving words like ‘bigoted’ and ‘moron’), has publicly apologized, citing a sudden and profound ‘awakening’ during a particularly intense session of CrossFit. "Mid-burpee," he recounts, "it hit me: My inherent prejudice was crushing my gains!"
His transformation has been swift and complete. His Instagram, once a gallery of flexing biceps and questionable political opinions, now features rainbow filters, motivational quotes from Laverne Cox, and videos of him attempting (and spectacularly failing) to apply winged eyeliner.
Sources close to Thundercock report that the turning point was a particularly pointed comment from a fellow CrossFitter, a statuesque trans woman named Brenda who casually deadlifted twice Thundercock's weight. "Brenda’s bicep," Thundercock confessed, "looked suspiciously like Beyoncé’s, only more powerful. I had a full-blown existential crisis, involving protein shakes and several regrettable group yoga sessions."
The newly enlightened athlete is now campaigning for increased inclusivity in sports, even suggesting the implementation of a new category for exceptionally muscular individuals, regardless of gender identity. "Let's call it the 'Mega-Muscle Mayhem' category," he proposes. "Think of the sponsorships!"
Critics are, of course, outraged. But as Thundercock points out, while they are busy clutching their pearls, he's busy perfecting his drag name (rumored to be 'Chad Thundercock: The Trans-formation'). He’s even considering a reality TV show showcasing his journey, tentatively titled 'From Bro to Bow': The Chad Thundercock Story. This might well become the biggest ‘woke’ phenomenon since avocado toast. Or possibly the next great American tragedy. Depends on your perspective (and your tolerance for intense gym selfies).
