In a move that has left political analysts scratching their heads (and possibly their headscarves), Councilman Bartholomew Butterscotch has announced a sweeping ban on all forms of LGBTQ+ activism within city limits. The ban, effective immediately, prohibits pride parades, rainbow crosswalks, and even the wearing of brightly colored socks deemed 'too flamboyant.'

But Butterscotch's surprising stance hasn't stopped him from personally investing in 'Steamworks,' a new chain of 'high-end relaxation centers' with locations planned across the city. Sources close to the Councilman (who wish to remain anonymous to avoid being 'vaporized' by his apparent contradictions) revealed that Steamworks' business model hinges on a clientele primarily comprised of...well, let's just say it's heavily geared towards the community Butterscotch just banned from public demonstrations.

'It's all about economic empowerment,' Butterscotch explained in a press conference held exclusively in a private sauna. 'I'm not against the gay community, I'm simply against their *noisy* displays of affection. Their money, however, is very welcome, especially when funneled directly into my investment portfolio.'

The councilman further justified his actions by citing 'concerns over public decency,' a phrase he punctuated with a suggestive wink and a subtle adjustment of his bespoke bathrobe. When questioned about the apparent hypocrisy, he simply retorted, 'Have you *seen* the price of a good eucalyptus aromatherapy session? It's an outrage! And frankly, the silence in this sauna is *priceless*.'

Critics have called the situation 'bewildering,' 'absurd,' and 'a perfect encapsulation of modern politics,' but for Butterscotch, the bottom line is clear: less activism, more steam rooms.