In a shocking display of… well, rainbows, Ms. Chardonnay Chardonnay-Chablis, a 5th-grade teacher at prestigious (and suspiciously named) ‘Straight-laced Elementary,’ has sparked outrage – and a surprisingly effective glitter-bombing campaign – by replacing her classroom's previously ‘vanilla’ decor with a vibrant display of LGBTQ+ pride.

Sources say the sudden shift from beige boredom to a dazzling spectrum of rainbows was preceded by a ‘spiritual awakening’ involving a spontaneous interpretive dance to Lizzo’s “About Damn Time” and a near-death experience involving a rogue tumble dryer. Ms. Chardonnay-Chablis, when questioned about the controversial change, simply stated, "Honey, the kids deserve to see themselves represented. And frankly, these rainbows make the beige walls look like they’re having an existential crisis."

However, the response hasn’t been universally positive. Parents, many sporting ‘Let’s Go Brandon’ t-shirts (a cryptic reference to a political figure we won’t name, because we’re too sophisticated for that), have accused Ms. Chardonnay-Chablis of ‘indoctrination,’ ‘grooming’ (with glitter, we presume), and 'forcing children to confront the harsh reality that the world isn't just beige.' One particularly irate parent, Chad Thundercock (yes, really), was overheard screaming, "This isn’t some pride parade for gender-fluid squirrels! My little Timmy is going to start wearing dresses and demanding to be called 'Princess Sparklebutt'!"

Meanwhile, the children seem delighted. Reports of increased classroom engagement, improved test scores, and spontaneous outbreaks of joyful singing are being dismissed by concerned parents as 'liberal propaganda' and 'clear signs of demonic possession.' The school board, naturally, has called an emergency meeting to discuss the matter – the agenda includes debating the merits of banning glitter and a proposed amendment to the school dress code prohibiting anything remotely resembling joy. Stay tuned for further updates on this… rainbow-hued saga.