In a shocking twist that has sent shockwaves through the already-frazzled internet, controversial influencer Chad Thundercock, known for his vehemently anti-LGBTQ+ rhetoric (and surprisingly effective eyebrow game), has launched a new line of gender-fluid, ethically-sourced, unicorn-tears-infused candles. The collection, aptly titled 'Rainbow Vomit,' features scents like 'Tears of a Thousand Genders' and 'The Subtle Aroma of Male Tears,' with proceeds, Chad insists, going towards funding… wait for it… a fully inclusive, gender-neutral, polyamorous, ethically sourced alpaca farm.

In a recent Instagram live, Chad, clad in a flowing rainbow cape (ironically sourced from a sweatshop, according to several anonymous sources), explained his sudden change of heart. "Look, I've been doing some soul-searching," he confessed, adjusting his meticulously crafted side-part, "and I've realized that hating on LGBTQ+ people was, like, totally un-woke of me. It's 2024, people! We need to be inclusive, even if it means selling overpriced candles that smell suspiciously like burnt hair and regret."

The internet, of course, has exploded with reactions, ranging from accusations of performative allyship (with several users pointing out his past Instagram posts showing him aggressively heckling a Pride parade) to genuine bewilderment. One particularly astute commentator noted the striking resemblance between the candle wax and Chad's infamous 'before' Botox photos.

But perhaps the most confusing element of this bizarre saga is the accompanying social media campaign. One promotional video features Chad attempting (and spectacularly failing) to perform a voguing routine, while another depicts him attempting a non-binary make-up tutorial using only paint rollers and Elmer's glue. It’s a masterclass in chaos, a glorious trainwreck of capitalist wokeness, and possibly the funniest thing to happen on the internet this year. So buy a candle. Or don't. We're not judging... much.