In a stunning turn of events that has sent shockwaves through the heteronormative community (and delighted the gays, naturally), Hollywood heartthrob Brad Pitt has gone from protesting Pride parades with a sign reading 'Keep it in your pants!' (which he insists was ironically pro-LGBTQ+) to starring in the upcoming LGBTQ+ rom-com, *Bros Before Hose*.

Sources claim Pitt's dramatic shift is not due to a sudden awakening (although there are whispers of a transformative encounter with a drag queen on set who introduced him to the joys of glitter and acceptance), but rather a shrewd career move. His publicist, a flamboyant individual who identifies as a gender-fluid unicorn, explained, "Brad realized that his career was starting to look as stale as a lukewarm oat latte, and nothing spices things up quite like a full-on embrace of the rainbow!"

The film, directed by the self-proclaimed "non-binary revolutionary" Greta Gerwig (who has since changed her name to 'Grendel Gerwig, Protector of the Rainbow Realm'), features Pitt as a closeted Texan rancher who finds love with a flamboyant, gender-bending alpaca farmer. The plot twists include a dramatic llama-riding scene, a surprise appearance by RuPaul (who plays Pitt's estranged mother), and a surprisingly touching debate on the merits of different types of artisanal cheeses. Critics are already calling it "a masterpiece of queer cinema", while homophobic commentators are busy sharpening their pitchforks (which, ironically, are handmade by a queer artisan collective in Portland).

Pitt, in a recent interview with Vogue (which now features an entirely rainbow-colored masthead), stated: "I've learned that love is love, glitter is life, and that the best kind of chaps are rainbow-sequined chaps. Who knew?" He then winked, grabbed a handful of glitter, and threw it into the air, shouting "Gay rights! (and free cheese samples)"