In a stunning twist that has left even the most seasoned LGBTQ+ activists scratching their perfectly-manicured beards (and, in some cases, their perfectly-plucked eyebrows), Mayor Mildred McMillan, known for her vehemently anti-Pride stance ('It's just...too much rainbow,' she famously quipped), accidentally led this year's Pride parade. The incident, which has been dubbed the 'Glitter-Bomb Gay-laxy' by social media, unfolded during a routine visit to the city's annual 'Festival of Blandness,' an event Mayor McMillan championed for its 'lack of excessive jubilance.'

Apparently, a rogue group of drag queens, sporting names like 'Sasha Fierce-ly Independent' and 'Bianca Del Rio-t Control,' mistook the Mayor's golf cart for their own lead vehicle. Confused but also mysteriously compelled by the sheer volume of glitter being thrown in her direction – enough, witnesses claim, to rival a Kylie Jenner makeup launch – Mayor McMillan inadvertently led a jubilant throng of participants, including a surprisingly enthusiastic group of Boy Scouts who had somehow managed to incorporate rainbow sashes into their uniforms.

'It was…unexpected,' said Mayor McMillan, in a statement released through clenched teeth after several hours of forced glitter removal and therapy sessions. 'I thought I was simply attending a gathering of people who clearly have too much time on their hands and an unhealthy obsession with pastel shades. Apparently, I was wrong. Terribly, wonderfully wrong.'

The event saw an unprecedented level of 'wokiness' according to experts (who were later seen trying to pry glitter out of their hair). One prominent sociology professor, Dr. Chad Thundercock (yes, really), noted the parade as a prime example of 'unintentional queer liberation,' while simultaneously lamenting the lack of sufficient gender-neutral porta-potties.

Social media exploded with memes, ranging from Mayor McMillan's bewildered expression photoshopped onto the Mona Lisa to her appearing as a character in the next season of RuPaul's Drag Race. Predictably, the incident sent shockwaves through certain conservative circles, with one prominent commentator, known for his particularly well-groomed comb-over, claiming the entire event was 'a socialist plot orchestrated by a cabal of left-wing, glitter-obsessed, rainbow-wearing… people.'

Regardless of the political fallout, the 'Glitter-Bomb Gay-laxy' proved to be a resounding success, leaving a glittering trail of acceptance – and several pounds of glitter – in its wake. One thing's for sure: Mayor McMillan's anti-Pride stance is now officially as messy as a unicorn's exploded glitter bomb.