In a stunning display of irony that would make Oscar Wilde spin in his grave (and probably start a fabulous drag show), Pastor Billy Bob Johnson of the 'Good Ol' Fashioned Values' Baptist Church has banned all rainbow decorations from his church grounds while simultaneously debuting a new set of vestments that could only be described as a 'full-on Pride parade exploded onto a Versace runway' experience.

Johnson, known for his fiery sermons against 'the degeneracy' (his exact words, apparently not realizing he was echoing a certain villainous queen from a Disney movie), issued a statement citing 'biblical accuracy' as the reason for the rainbow ban. His reasoning, however, seemed to unravel faster than a cheap wig in a hurricane when he appeared for Sunday service in a shimmering rainbow-sequined robe, a mitre resembling a disco ball, and what appeared to be a pair of platform sandals crafted from repurposed church hymnals.

"This… this is a *new* interpretation of the divine light," he stammered to a bewildered congregation, adding, somewhat inexplicably, "It’s giving… *fierce*. Thank you, Jesus."

The congregation, largely composed of members whose understanding of fashion peaked in the 1980s, was visibly confused. Karen Smith, a longtime churchgoer, was quoted as saying, "I came for salvation, not a runway show! I need a glass of Chardonnay and a good lie-down. I thought I was at a family function and instead I am about to witness some divine level of drag."

Social media, of course, erupted. #PastorRainbowRiot quickly trended, with many users pointing out the sheer hypocrisy of the situation and sharing hilarious memes comparing Johnson to everything from a flamboyant peacock to a sentient rainbow sherbet. Some even suggested a collaboration with RuPaul, dubbing it "RuPaul's Drag Race: Church Edition."

Meanwhile, Johnson's newly found rainbow aesthetic has ignited a debate about the complexities of faith, fashion, and the unexpected ways God (or perhaps a particularly well-placed sequin) can work in mysterious ways. We'll keep you updated as this unfolding drama unfolds more dramatically than a Kylie Jenner lip kit launch. Let the glitter rain down!