In a move that has left the corporate world simultaneously bewildered and ablaze with righteous indignation (mostly the indignant part, let’s be honest), the CEO of MegaCorp, Chad Thundercock (yes, really), has announced a groundbreaking new initiative. He’s banned the company’s annual LGBTQ+ Pride parade – deemed ‘too mainstream’ – while simultaneously implementing a mandatory gender-neutral bathroom policy that requires all employees to wear rainbow-colored sashes with their preferred pronouns embroidered in glitter.

"It was a difficult decision," Thundercock explained in a press release, sporting a shimmering, sequined ‘Daddy’ apron, "but we realized our pride parade wasn’t truly inclusive enough. The lack of a designated section for non-binary centaurs really diminished the experience, you know? So we decided to take it up a notch."

The new ‘inclusivity’ policy, however, has triggered an unprecedented level of… well, let’s call it ‘spirited debate.’ Some employees expressed confusion at the sheer volume of rainbow glitter required, while others were seen frantically Googling ‘What is a non-binary centaur?’ (Spoiler: it’s apparently a thing now, according to Chad.)

Meanwhile, conservative think tanks are in a tizzy, claiming this is yet another example of the ‘woke agenda’ run amok. One particularly flustered pundit, whose name we can’t print because it rhymes with ‘Tucker Carlson,’ insisted that this was nothing more than a socialist plot to steal his artisanal cheese selection.

MegaCorp’s stock price, however, soared after the announcement, possibly due to the sudden increase in demand for glitter, sashes, and therapy for those still processing the existence of non-binary centaurs. The company is also expected to release a line of gender-neutral, rainbow-colored Crocs with built-in glitter dispensers, further solidifying their position as the most aggressively woke – and potentially glittery – corporation in the galaxy. Stay tuned for further updates, or as Chad would say, "Stay fabulous, darlings!"