In a stunning display of cognitive dissonance that would make even a quantum physicist weep, self-proclaimed ‘traditional values’ influencer Karen Karmallama has launched a dazzlingly flamboyant Pride clothing line, just weeks after a viral rant accusing the LGBTQ+ community of secretly plotting to ‘turn the frogs gay.’
Karmallama, whose previous Instagram posts featured her passionately defending the sanctity of mayonnaise-only sandwiches and denouncing the use of emojis, unveiled her collection, ‘Rainbow Resistance,’ which includes glitter-encrusted tank tops emblazoned with slogans like ‘Love Wins (and Sells)’ and ‘Gay Rights, But Also, My Rights To Sell This Gay Stuff.’
“It’s a journey of self-discovery, darlings,” Karmallama explained in a poorly-lit Instagram live stream where she accidentally used a filter that made her look like a startled ferret. “I initially thought the whole ‘gay agenda’ was… well, an agenda. But then I realized, the true agenda is selling rainbow-colored everything to people who are slightly less judgmental than my Aunt Mildred.”
Critics, unsurprisingly, have accused Karmallama of the highest form of capitalist hypocrisy: profiting off the very community she previously disparaged. “It’s like if the KKK sold Black History Month T-shirts,” commented one particularly articulate Twitter user, whose bio stated they were a ‘proud purveyor of fine sarcasm and aggressively mediocre hot takes.’
However, Karmallama remains unfazed, claiming the collection is a ‘bold statement’ that somehow simultaneously challenges and celebrates the LGBTQ+ community. “I’m embracing diversity, one ridiculously overpriced crop top at a time,” she chirped, while simultaneously reminding viewers to use her affiliate code for a 10% discount.
Experts believe this move represents a significant shift in the landscape of anti-LGBTQ+ activism. It’s less about genuine hatred, they say, and more about the deeply unsettling realization that even bigotry can be monetized. Or, as one marketing guru put it: ‘It’s woke, and it’s totally bankable.’ The future of homophobia, it seems, is rainbow-bright and sickeningly profitable.
