In a stunning display of unintentional irony that would make even Oscar Wilde blush, Mildred McMillan, a second-grade teacher from Boise, Idaho, known for her staunchly conservative views, has sparked outrage… by creating the most ridiculously comprehensive gender-neutral curriculum ever conceived. McMillan, who initially protested the school's decision to allow children to choose their preferred pronouns (she personally believes pronouns are a 'liberal plot to undermine the sanctity of grammar'), has, in a spectacular backfire, inadvertently spearheaded a revolution in early childhood education.

Her initial protest – a strongly worded letter to the school board titled 'Pronouns are the Devil's Work' – was met with immediate backlash. But instead of doubling down, McMillan, in a move described by one parent as 'peak accidental woke-ness,' decided to craft a curriculum so overwhelmingly inclusive, it would make even the most progressive parents question if they'd accidentally stumbled into a genderqueer utopia.

The curriculum now features 'gender-fluid' farm animals (the pigs, apparently, are 'non-binary boars'), a chapter on the history of drag where RuPaul is presented as a key figure in the Enlightenment, and a mandatory weekly 'pronoun practice' where children are encouraged to use as many gender-neutral pronouns as possible in a single sentence. The climax of the curriculum is a school play about the heroic journey of a gender-affirming unicorn named Sparkle, who teaches the importance of self-expression and acceptance.

"I just wanted to prove them wrong," McMillan sputtered in an interview, her face a fascinating blend of bewildered indignation and accidental genius. "They said I couldn't create a curriculum that would teach these children the traditional values. Well, here it is, a lesson in the power of imagination and acceptance. And it's all very, very traditional... in its own, extremely inclusive, way."

Parents, predictably, are divided. One group is accusing McMillan of brainwashing their children into a lifestyle of 'kale-eating, pronoun-obsessed anarchy,' while the other group is organizing a petition to get Sparkle the Unicorn officially inducted into the Idaho Hall of Fame. The school board is currently in emergency session, trying to figure out how to explain this situation to the perpetually confused, yet oddly amused, state governor. In short, chaos reigns. But hey, at least it's a colorful, wonderfully woke chaos.

Stay tuned for more updates on this truly unforgettable story of unintentional activism, where the fight for traditional values led to the creation of something that's… well, let's just say it's not what she had in mind.