In a stunning display of what some are calling 'peak irony' and others are calling 'a blatant cash grab,' Olympic sprinter Chad Thundercock (yes, really) has refused to wear Pride-themed branding at upcoming events, citing concerns about 'diluting his brand.' However, in a move that's left the internet simultaneously bewildered and erect, he's simultaneously launched his own LGBTQ+-focused fitness line called 'Gay Gains.'

'Look,' Thundercock explained in a press conference held in a gym redecorated to resemble a disco ball, 'I’m all for love and acceptance, but rainbows are so… *last* year. My brand is about achieving peak physical perfection, and frankly, pastel colours don't scream 'ripped abs' to me. They scream 'slightly damp watercolour painting of a unicorn.' But 'Gay Gains' is a whole different story. It's about embracing your inner fabulousness while building a physique so stunning, even your homophobic uncle will have to admit you're breathtaking.'

The 'Gay Gains' line features workout gear emblazoned with slogans like 'Squat Goals,' 'Pride and Prejudice (and plenty of protein),' and 'Flexing for Equality.' Each item comes with a complimentary affirmation card featuring motivational quotes from RuPaul and inspirational images of shirtless Olympic weightlifters. Some skeptics have suggested this sudden embrace of the LGBTQ+ community is less about genuine support and more about exploiting the lucrative market for rainbow-hued gym wear. But Thundercock insists he's just ‘a man on a mission, one perfectly sculpted bicep at a time.’

The launch has predictably divided opinions. Conservative commentators are up in arms, arguing that this is 'socialist propaganda masquerading as fitness.' Meanwhile, more liberal commentators are trying to grapple with the irony of a man rejecting rainbow-themed branding for a brand specifically marketed to the LGBTQ+ community while simultaneously flexing and yelling about his pansexual biceps. As one Twitter user put it, 'My brain hurts. But my abs are now burning, thanks to Chad's inspirational YouTube workout video titled 'Deadlifts and Drag Queens: A Love Story.'

Whatever the reason, one thing is certain: Chad Thundercock is now the unlikely poster boy for ‘woke capitalism,’ proving that even homophobia can be a fantastic marketing tool for maximum gainz.