In a twist more shocking than a surprise appearance by RuPaul at a Westboro Baptist Church picnic, renowned homophobe and fitness guru, Chad Thundercock, has announced the release of his new book, 'Finding Your Inner Dyke in 12 Steps: A Guide to Unleashing Your Authentically Lesbian Self.' The book, which features a cover depicting Chad in a surprisingly flattering lavender jumpsuit, promises readers a journey of self-discovery, including chapters titled "Confronting Your Internalized Biphobia," "Discovering the Joys of Leather and Lace (and Not Just the Functional Kind)," and "Understanding the Subtle Art of the Side-Eye."

Chad, known for his previous works such as "Biceps Before Bisexuals" and "How to Be a Straight Man in a Straight Line," claims a sudden enlightenment led to this unexpected career pivot. "I was meditating on the benefits of protein powder," Chad explains, "when I received a divine message from a squadron of rainbow-winged unicorns. They told me I needed to spread love – and I realized that could only be done through the power of highly effective, and frankly, lesbian-affirming self-help."

The book's release has sent shockwaves through the conservative community, with several prominent figures expressing bewilderment and, in some cases, mild disappointment. "I always thought Chad was one of us," lamented Tucker Carlson on Fox News, "He was such a good friend to my inner misogyny."

Meanwhile, the LGBTQ+ community has responded with a mixture of cautious optimism and utter hilarity. "If Chad can embrace his inner sapphic side," says one prominent activist, "then surely we can convince his followers that the whole 'don't say gay' thing is about as effective as a vegan sausage roll at a meat-lovers' barbecue."

Despite initial skepticism, early reviews of 'Finding Your Inner Dyke in 12 Steps' are overwhelmingly positive, particularly in the lesbian leather community. "It's surprisingly empowering," says one reviewer, "even if Chad does still advocate for extremely high protein intake, possibly in a way that is sexually suggestive." The book is already at the top of the Amazon bestsellers list for both 'Self-Help' and 'Unexpectedly Queer Literary Fiction'. Maybe Chad finally found his inner peace. Or maybe it's just another expertly crafted marketing ploy to sell more protein powder.