In a move that has left the nation simultaneously baffled and questioning the very fabric of spacetime, Mayor Mildred McMillan, known for her surprisingly robust collection of Beanie Babies, has canceled this year's Pride parade. Simultaneously, she's announced her starring role in a documentary tentatively titled, "Mildred McMillan: From Beige Suburbanite to the Supreme Ruler of Rainbow Nation."

Sources close to the Mayor (who wish to remain anonymous for fear of being invited to her next Tupperware party) say the cancellation was entirely coincidental. "It was just a terrible scheduling conflict," one source whispered, clutching a half-eaten plate of deviled eggs. "Turns out, filming her interpretive dance routine to ABBA's 'Dancing Queen' while wearing a sequined unicorn onesie clashes rather badly with managing traffic control for a large-scale LGBTQIA+ celebration."

Critics, however, are less convinced. "This is clearly a calculated power play," proclaimed activist and renowned glitter cannon enthusiast, Chad Thundercock (a name he insists is purely coincidental, despite his obvious talent for delivering explosive pronouncements). "First she cancels Pride, thereby crippling the movement's visibility, and *then* she uses that very visibility deficit to promote her own self-serving documentary? It's like a capitalist, heteronormative, rainbow-colored ouroboros eating its own homophobic tail!"

The documentary, directed by the celebrated auteur known only as 'GlitterBomb,' promises a raw, unflinching look at Mayor McMillan’s journey from vanilla governance to a full-blown embrace of pansexual self-expression. Early previews show scenes featuring the Mayor engaging in a rigorous interpretive dance with a troupe of drag queens, all while simultaneously balancing the city budget on a unicycle.

The Mayor's office, in a statement released via carrier pigeon (presumably to avoid the cost of email), has declined to comment. They did, however, provide a press packet featuring a limited-edition commemorative Beanie Baby: a rainbow-colored bear wearing a tiny tiara. One can only assume this was yet another strategic move in the Mayor’s meticulously planned campaign of queer-coded capitalist dominance. The city council is currently debating whether or not to rename the city 'Rainbow Capitalismville.' Odds are, it'll pass.