In a move that has left the LGBTQ+ community simultaneously bewildered and mildly entertained, Mayor Mildred McMillan, known for her questionable fashion choices and even more questionable policies, has cancelled this year's Pride parade. The reasoning? Apparently, she's too busy filming *Mayor McMillan's Magnificent Gay Awakening: A Documentary*, a three-part series exploring her 'journey' of self-discovery following a particularly intense interpretive dance class involving interpretive dance and a surprisingly large number of feather boas.

Sources close to the Mayor (who insisted on remaining anonymous, claiming they 'fear for their safety amidst this woke hellscape') claim the cancellation was entirely coincidental. 'It's just bad timing,' the source whispered, clutching a suspiciously rainbow-colored Starbucks cup, 'she's really committed to this documentary, you know? It's a nuanced exploration of the complexities of cis-het privilege and its intersection with the struggles of the non-binary gender fluid community...and there's a lot of interpretive dance involved.'

Critics, however, are less than convinced. Local drag queen, Crystal Methyd (no relation), stated, 'It's like she's trying to perform her way out of accountability. Cancelling Pride while simultaneously profiting from a documentary about how amazing she is for... existing... is peak performative ally-ship. It's like when you get your kid a 'World's Best Dad' mug even though you haven't spoken to them in three years.'

Meanwhile, the documentary's trailer features the Mayor dramatically gazing out a window in slow motion, interspersed with shots of her awkwardly attempting to vogue, and culminates in her tearful confession: 'I used to think glitter was only for children's parties. Now... now I understand.' The trailer ends with the tagline: 'Coming soon to a streaming service near you. Prepare to be woke.'

The LGBTQ+ community remains divided. Some see it as a hilarious example of the absurdity of performative activism; others are calling for a nationwide boycott of feather boas. One thing's for sure: Mildred McMillan's commitment to self-promotion is more impressive than her commitment to Pride.