In a move that has left the city of Springfield in utter bewilderment (and frankly, glorious disarray), Mayor Mildred McMillan, known for her staunchly traditional views (or so we thought!), has abruptly canceled the annual Springfield Pride Parade. Sources close to the mayor (who wish to remain anonymous, primarily because they're still recovering from the sheer audacity of it all) claim the cancellation was due to 'unforeseen logistical challenges,' a phrase that's become synonymous with 'I panicked and did something completely bonkers.'

However, the real bombshell dropped just hours later. Paparazzi photos emerged showing Mayor McMillan, in a surprisingly chic pantsuit, exchanging vows with renowned drag queen, 'Crystal Chandelier,' in a whirlwind ceremony officiated by a bewildered Elvis impersonator. The ceremony, reportedly held in a Denny's parking lot at 3 am, featured a single, slightly deflated balloon arch and a surprisingly moving rendition of 'Wind Beneath My Wings' by a surprisingly tone-deaf mariachi band.

'It's a new era for Springfield,' declared Crystal Chandelier in an exclusive interview given from a bathtub filled with glitter and what appeared to be several bottles of cheap champagne. 'Who needs a parade when you've got love, right? Plus, the Denny's Grand Slam breakfast was surprisingly good.'

Meanwhile, city officials are scrambling to explain the sudden about-face. One particularly flustered council member was overheard muttering, 'I thought she was bringing back the mandatory squirrel tax! This is… unexpected.'

The mayor's office remains unavailable for comment, presumably because they're busy planning their honeymoon, which, according to unconfirmed rumors, involves a cross-country road trip in a vintage Winnebago decorated entirely with rainbow sequins. The parade, however, is officially canceled. Though, frankly, who needs a parade when you've got this story?