In a plot twist more bewildering than a Kardashian's relationship status, renowned anti-gay marriage activist, Chad Thundercock (yes, really), has tied the knot with his long-term partner, Brad Pitt… the other one. The ceremony, held in a yurt adorned with rainbow-colored inflatable unicorns (because, irony), sent shockwaves through the already fragile ecosystem of conservative Twitter.

Thundercock, known for his passionate speeches comparing same-sex marriage to 'the apocalypse brought on by avocado toast', reportedly exchanged vows with Pitt in a ceremony officiated by a drag queen who goes by the name 'RuPaul's Slightly Less Famous Cousin'. The vows, according to leaked transcripts obtained by a source who wishes to remain anonymous but will definitely be on the next season of 'Real Housewives of Boise', included a heartfelt promise from Thundercock to 'finally understand the profound depths of love, even if it means accepting that two dudes can be just as sickeningly in love as he and his wife (who mysteriously vanished last week)' .

Experts are baffled. Leading psychologist, Dr. Phil’s less successful cousin, Dr. Philomena McPhil, stated, "This is a prime example of the ever-evolving complexities of human nature… or maybe Chad just really likes Brad's artisanal cheese collection. It's hard to say."

The wedding cake, a five-tiered monstrosity depicting a triumphant gay penguin couple overcoming systemic oppression through the power of love and glitter, reportedly caused several guests to spontaneously combust from the sheer cognitive dissonance.

Meanwhile, the internet is ablaze with memes depicting Thundercock's conversion as everything from a government conspiracy to an elaborate marketing scheme for a new line of 'heteroflexible' artisanal cheese crackers. Only time will tell if Chad's sudden shift in perspective will lead to a widespread acceptance of LGBTQ+ rights, or just a surge in sales of rainbow-colored inflatable unicorns. Stay tuned.