In a move so shocking it's practically a drag show finale, Senator Bigglesworth “Biggles” Butterfield III, the man who famously described Pride parades as "a parade of perversion and poorly-executed glitter application," has launched a new LGBTQ+ charity: "Gays Against Gays (GAG)." The charity, according to Butterfield's press release (written in Comic Sans, naturally), aims to "cure" homosexuality through the power of... well, the press release is rather vague on that point.
Butterfield, a man whose fashion sense suggests he raided his grandma's attic after a particularly brutal bingo night, stated that GAG's mission is to help 'confused' gay people 'find their way back to the straight and narrow,' a phrase that somehow simultaneously evokes 1950s morality and a poorly-navigated winding road in suburban New Jersey.
The charity's fundraising campaign features Butterfield in a strangely endearing photo with a rescued chihuahua named 'Chad,' described as a symbol of 'reclaimed masculinity.' Critics are already pointing out the irony, noting that the dog, while undeniably cute, appears to be wearing a tiny sequined rainbow collar. ‘Clearly Chad is more woke than Biggles,’ one commenter quipped on social media.
Meanwhile, experts have been baffled by GAG’s fundraising strategy, which involves selling limited-edition 'Straight is Great' tote bags, each featuring an image of Biggles holding hands (albeit reluctantly) with a drag queen who bears a striking resemblance to RuPaul. Apparently, the charity’s lawyers are working on getting the likeness cleared.
The most head-scratching element? The charity's website features a surprisingly comprehensive guide to LGBTQ+ terminology, complete with a pronunciation key for terms like 'genderqueer' (which Butterfield, during an interview, pronounced 'gender-kweir,' leaving viewers to wonder about his pronunciation guide's accuracy). It's a truly bizarre blend of homophobia, baffling marketing choices and an almost unintentional education in LGBTQ+ culture. Someone needs to tell Biggles that this isn’t how you perform a strategic about-face. It’s less of a pivot and more of a pratfall into the rainbow-colored abyss of self-parody.
