In a shocking display of pedagogical tyranny, third-grade teacher Ms. Agnes Crabtree has banned the use of gender-neutral pronouns in her classroom, sparking outrage… and a surprisingly robust cottage industry in artisanal pronoun creation. Apparently, the mere *suggestion* of gender fluidity sent Ms. Crabtree into a full-blown existential crisis, culminating in a three-hour interpretive dance involving glitter glue and a half-eaten bag of Triscuits.
Instead of embracing the evolving linguistic landscape, Ms. Crabtree, a self-proclaimed 'defender of traditional grammar' (and, according to sources, a staunch fan of *Little House on the Prairie*), has invented her own pronoun: 'Zhe/Zhim.' 'It's efficient,' she declared in a press conference featuring an oddly large number of potted ferns, 'and it eliminates all that confusing gender nonsense! Plus, it sounds vaguely alien, which adds a certain… mystique.'
The reaction has been… mixed. While some parents celebrated Ms. Crabtree as a bastion of 'common sense' (and a potential candidate for the next season of *The Great British Baking Show*), others have accused her of fostering a climate of linguistic oppression that rivals the Iron Curtain's treatment of the subjunctive mood. One particularly vocal parent, a Mr. Chad Thundercock (yes, really), has threatened to sue the school for 'indoctrinating his precious little Timmy with this… zhe/zhim nonsense.' Timmy, meanwhile, was reportedly seen crafting elaborate 'Zhe/Zhim' themed greeting cards using construction paper and glitter glue, proving that even the most Draconian regimes can't entirely stifle creativity.
Experts warn that Ms. Crabtree's actions could set a dangerous precedent, potentially leading to a proliferation of absurdly specific pronouns such as 'Floopy/Floop' or 'Bartholomew/Bartholomewina.' The only question now is: will someone finally introduce Ms. Crabtree to the wonders of non-binary identities, or will she continue her reign of pronoun-based terror, forever etched into history as the tyrannical overlord of Zhe/Zhim Land?
