In a twist more shocking than a surprise appearance by Aunt Carol at a family reunion, renowned action star Chad Thundercock, famous for his roles in films like *American Muscle Carnage 3: Revenge of the Torque Wrench* and *Testosterone Tango*, has released a steamy gay-themed novel titled *'Fistful of Feelings: A Chad Thundercock Romance'.** The book, featuring graphic descriptions of oiled abs and passionate encounters between two ruggedly handsome cowboys, has sent shockwaves through the conservative community. Thundercock, previously known for his outspoken opposition to 'woke agendas' and his belief that rainbows cause blindness, claims the entire endeavor is a massive misunderstanding.
"Look, I just wanted to explore my artistic side," explained Thundercock, during a press conference held at a gun range. "The publisher, a total feminazi named Brenda, sort of… twisted my words. I *thought* I was writing a screenplay for a new action flick involving a surprisingly homoerotic bromance between two Navy SEALs named 'Hunter' and 'Maverick'. Apparently, Brenda's interpretation involved… more feelings. And less explosions. It’s all a big gay misunderstanding, I tell ya!"
Critics, however, have been quick to applaud Thundercock's unexpected foray into LGBTQ+ literature. Queer literary icon Armistead Maupin has praised the book, calling it 'a surprisingly poignant exploration of masculinity and vulnerability, albeit one featuring a slightly unsettling amount of oiled pecs.' Meanwhile, sales of *'Fistful of Feelings'* have skyrocketed, leading many to believe that perhaps even the most staunch homophobes secretly crave a healthy dose of homoerotic cowboys.
The book's success has ignited a fiery debate about the fluidity of identity, the power of artistic expression, and whether or not oiled pecs are, in fact, a gateway to understanding the complexities of the human heart. The answer, judging by the book's success, appears to be a resounding 'yes.' Though Chad continues to insist he's ‘not gay’, sources close to him say he's already started working on his next novel, a five-part epic saga about a coven of shirtless wizards who fight evil using the power of… well, you get the picture. Stay tuned.
