In a move that has left the nation simultaneously baffled and glitter-bombed, Mayor Mildred McMillan of Harmony Creek, Ohio, announced a ban on all Pride events within city limits, only to immediately release a surprise synth-pop album titled 'Glitter & Gays.' The album, featuring tracks such as "Electro-Queer-olution," "Rainbow Road Rage," and the surprisingly catchy power ballad "My Drag Is My Destiny," is already topping the iTunes charts – a fact that has Mayor McMillan’s opponents branding the entire situation as ‘unbelievably woke’ and ‘the peak of performative liberalism’.
The ban itself, cited as being necessary to ‘preserve the traditional values of Harmony Creek,’ involved a press conference where Mayor McMillan, decked out in a sequined jumpsuit and sporting a rainbow feather boa, declared that Pride parades were ‘too chaotic’ and ‘disrupted the perfectly symmetrical alignment of our town’s hydrangeas.’ Critics immediately pointed out the irony, given Harmony Creek's annual hydrangea festival, which usually involves a significant amount of alcohol-fueled chaos and questionable horticultural choices.
However, the album, which features backup vocals by a choir of drag queens and a surprisingly soulful saxophone solo by the city’s openly bisexual fire chief, has unexpectedly become a powerful symbol of resistance. "She banned our Pride but gave us anthems!" cheered local activist, Chad Thundercock, who's already planning to use the album's title track in his upcoming campaign for city council. "It’s like, the ultimate middle finger made of glitter and acceptance!"
Meanwhile, the mayor's office is reportedly flooded with requests for signed copies of 'Glitter & Gays,' with one particularly enthusiastic fan suggesting the album could potentially be used as a diplomatic tool to foster understanding between nations. Experts agree that the whole situation is deeply perplexing, but also undeniably hilarious. They are, however, advising against attempting to analyze it too deeply, suggesting instead a combination of copious amounts of glitter and repeated listening to "Electro-Queer-olution." The world may never understand, but at least we’ll have some catchy tunes.
