In a stunning display of… something, controversial influencer Chad Thundercock, known for his homophobic rants comparing LGBTQ+ people to 'feral squirrels on bath salts,' has launched a new line of gender-fluid Crocs. The collection, cheekily titled "Chad's Chroma-Chaotic Chaos Collection," features a rainbow of colors, glitter that could blind a small child, and inexplicably, tiny rubber figurines of RuPaul.

Chad, in a recent Instagram Live (which, ironically, was streamed from a Pride-themed bathroom), explained his sudden about-face. "Look," he declared, brandishing a pair of Crocs that resembled a melted Skittles rainbow, "I’ve seen the light… the rainbow light of pure, unadulterated profit! These Crocs are selling like hotcakes, and honestly, the inclusivity marketing is so effective, it’s practically written itself."

Critics, however, remain unconvinced. "It's like the villain in a superhero movie suddenly deciding to fight for justice because he saw a really good fundraising opportunity," quipped renowned queer activist and astrophysicist, Dr. Nebula Stardust. "This isn't genuine inclusivity, it’s rainbow-washed capitalism at its finest. He’s not embracing the community; he’s embracing the cash flow."

Despite the backlash, Chad remains unfazed. He plans to expand his line to include gender-neutral tutus, pronoun-embroidered socks, and a limited-edition collection of Crocs featuring tiny, interchangeable pronouns. "It’s all about love, acceptance, and maximizing shareholder value," he chirped, before promptly launching into a sponsored segment for a new line of 'heteronormative-adjacent' dog sweaters.

The irony, of course, is as thick as the glitter on these questionable footwear choices. But hey, at least Chad’s finally found something he’s passionate about: money. And apparently, now, a vaguely rainbow-tinged form of it.