In a move that has left even the most seasoned political satirists scratching their heads (and possibly questioning their sexuality), Senator Bartholomew Butterscotch, a man whose wardrobe consists primarily of beige and whose personality is about as exciting as a beige cardigan, has single-handedly blocked three crucial LGBTQ+ rights bills while simultaneously donating a king's ransom to the local Pride float. The float, incidentally, is rumored to be powered by ethically-sourced unicorn tears and will feature a life-sized Beyoncé hologram serenading a chorus line of drag queens dressed as Supreme Court Justices.

"It's a complex situation," Butterscotch mumbled to reporters, clutching a half-eaten oatmeal raisin cookie. "I believe in the spirit of Pride, of course. The float is spectacular – vibrant, flamboyant, quite frankly, a dazzling display of… well, things. But these bills… they're just, you know, *complicated*. They might upset some people. People who, let's be honest, probably wouldn't appreciate the Beyoncé hologram anyway."

Critics have wasted no time in dissecting this seemingly paradoxical act, suggesting it falls squarely into the category of 'rainbow capitalism' – a cynical appropriation of LGBTQ+ culture for profit, masked by a veneer of performative allyship. Others have posited a more sinister theory: Butterscotch is secretly a time-traveling villain seeking to use the immense power of the Beyoncé hologram to rewrite history and make oatmeal raisin cookies the national food.

Activist group, 'Queer as a Three-Dollar Bill,' released a statement calling Butterscotch's actions 'the ultimate queer betrayal,' adding, "It's like dating a guy who buys you roses made of plastic and then complains about the thorns."

Butterscotch, meanwhile, remains steadfast in his decision, stating he's considering adding a second Beyoncé hologram to the float. "Diversity is key," he clarified. "Especially when it comes to holographic representations of pop icons." Whether this move will appease his critics or simply solidify his position as the poster child for performative allyship remains to be seen. But one thing is certain: the internet is having a field day. And the Beyoncé hologram is absolutely stunning.