In a shocking twist worthy of a Netflix limited series, Mildred Higgins, the elementary school teacher who infamously banned all books mentioning anything more rainbow-hued than a particularly vibrant box of crayons, has undergone a dramatic metamorphosis. Her transformation? A full-blown, glitter-cannon-firing embrace of the LGBTQ+ community.

It all started, according to sources close to the situation (namely, Mildred's increasingly flamboyant chihuahua, Princess Fluffybutt III), with a rogue copy of 'Heather Has Two Mommies' mysteriously appearing in the staffroom. Apparently, the sheer joy radiating from the illustrations triggered a spontaneous awakening, causing Mildred to experience a sudden and profound understanding of the systemic oppression faced by non-binary squirrels.

Now, Mrs. Higgins, who previously referred to drag queens as 'those… things,' is leading workshops on 'Gender Identity: It's Not Just for Transgender Teletubbies Anymore!' Her classroom has been redecorated in a dazzling array of pride flags, each more flamboyant than the last. Students are reportedly thrilled with the sudden influx of glitter, but parents, unsurprisingly, are less than enthusiastic.

One particularly irate parent, a Mr. Chad Thundercock (yes, really), was overheard ranting outside the school, 'It's an outrage! My little Timmy is now insisting on wearing a tutu and quoting RuPaul. Next thing you know, he'll be asking for gender-affirming care and a subscription to Vogue! This is what happens when you let teachers teach!'

Meanwhile, Mrs. Higgins has launched a new after-school program, 'Drag Queen Story Time: Confronting Patriarchy One Sequined Wig at a Time.' Sources say enrollment has reached an unprecedented level, fueled largely by the promise of complimentary rainbow cupcakes. The school board, though initially horrified, has swiftly adjusted their budget to accommodate a new line item: 'Glitter Procurement and Ethical Unicorn-Horn Sourcing.' The future is, quite literally, sparkly and fabulous. Or so it seems.