In a shocking twist that's more dramatic than a RuPaul's Drag Race finale, Judge Quentin Quibble, known for his seemingly staunch dismissal of LGBTQ+ legal cases, has been outed – not as gay, but as a secret champion of trans rights. Sources close to the case (who wish to remain anonymous for fear of being 'deplatformed' by Quibble's surprisingly well-funded fan club, ‘Quibble Queens’) reveal that Justice Quibble moonlights as 'Justice Jett Black,' a fierce, six-foot-three drag queen who regularly hosts fundraising galas for trans youth at a secret location somewhere between a gay bar in the West Village and a surprisingly inclusive bowling alley in suburban Ohio.

"He's a master of disguise," whispered one source, adjusting their oversized, rainbow-colored glasses. "One minute he's dismissing a same-sex marriage appeal with the subtlety of a sledgehammer, the next he's sashay'ing down a runway in a sequined gown while flawlessly lip-syncing to Lizzo. It's giving… cognitive dissonance. But make it fashion!"