In a stunning display of what can only be described as 'unintentional queer brilliance,' Mayor Mildred McMillan, a woman whose political career has been as exciting as watching paint dry, has accidentally launched the city's most fabulous Pride celebration. Following her adamant denial of any support for ‘that whole… rainbow thing,’ McMillan unveiled the city's newest public art installation: a dazzling, technicolor crosswalk depicting a full spectrum of rainbow hues.

Immediately, the internet exploded. Conservative commentator and noted expert on things he doesn't understand, Chad Thundercock, called it 'a blatant attack on the sanctity of beige' and threatened to organize a counter-protest involving a synchronized lawn gnome dance-off. Meanwhile, local drag queen extraordinaire, Sasha Velour's-Drag-Mother, declared it 'a triumph for the gays' and promised to host a glitter-bombing of the nearest Chick-fil-A.

The mayor's office, caught completely off guard by this explosion of color and conflicting opinions, released a statement claiming the rainbow crosswalk was 'a tribute to...uh...optics.' When pressed further, a spokesperson stammered, 'It's...it's science, you see? Prismatic refraction! It's all very…rainbowy.'

Meanwhile, citizens are reporting a surge in sightings of unicorns, spontaneous outbreaks of interpretive dance, and a marked increase in the consumption of glitter-infused pastries. One elderly resident, interviewed while wearing a rainbow-colored knitted balaclava, stated, 'I've seen things. Things that make my dentures sing. It's all very...unexpectedly fabulous.'

The crosswalk, originally intended to improve pedestrian safety (though sources suggest the artist was inspired by a particularly potent batch of psychedelic mushrooms), has become an unexpected battleground for cultural anxieties. And honestly? It's far more entertaining than watching paint dry.