In a stunning display of irony that would make Oscar Wilde blush, renowned conservative radio host and self-proclaimed 'defender of traditional values,' Bartholomew 'Bart' Higgins, has publicly mocked the use of neopronouns, only to immediately follow up by legally changing his name to 'He/Himself Higgins'. Higgins, known for his fiery rhetoric against 'woke' culture and his insistence on the sanctity of the English language, delivered a blistering on-air segment decrying the 'linguistic anarchy' of pronouns like 'xe/xem' and 'ze/zir'.
"These so-called pronouns are an assault on common sense!" Higgins thundered, his face reddening. "They're a slippery slope to the complete erosion of our societal fabric! We must stand firm against this tide of linguistic degeneracy!" He then paused for a dramatic sip of water, seemingly unaware of the giant, flashing neon sign that read 'HE/HIMSELF HIGGINS' behind him, accidentally revealed during a camera adjustment.
Sources close to Higgins (who requested to remain anonymous to avoid being “canceled” by the pronouns they themselves use) confirmed that the name change was indeed official. Higgins’ lawyer, a seemingly bewildered Ms. Agnes Periwinkle, explained the situation with a weary sigh: "He insisted. Said it was a ‘masterful satirical commentary’ on the absurdity of the whole thing. I… I don’t think he understands satire."
The incident has sent shockwaves through the conservative media landscape, with some praising Higgins’ ‘bold’ stance, while others have simply expressed confusion. One prominent commentator, known only as 'DeeplyConfusedDave' on Twitter, stated: "I… uh… I’m not sure what to think. Is this… a joke? Is he serious? Is he… both? I need a lie-down."
Higgins himself has yet to comment further, though a blurry photograph circulating on social media appears to show him wearing a t-shirt reading 'He/Himself: Making Liberals Cry Since Yesterday'. The shirt is slightly askew, possibly due to the sheer weight of the irony it carries. The photo, unsurprisingly, doesn't use pronouns in the caption.
