In a plot twist more shocking than the ending of *The Crying Game* (but with less weeping and more glitter cannons), Brenda Buttercup, the outspoken evangelical celebrity known for her vehemently anti-same-sex marriage stance, has been secretly married to renowned lesbian chef, Chef Ramona ‘Ram-Rod’ Rodriguez, for six months! Sources close to the couple (who, ironically, are very far from being close-minded) confirmed the union took place in a clandestine ceremony officiated by a drag queen Elvis impersonator named ‘Priscilla, Queen of the Gospel.’
Brenda, whose public persona screams 'homophobia in high heels,' apparently found her own beliefs, shall we say, a bit… *flexible* after a particularly passionate encounter with Ramona involving a spontaneous interpretive dance and a surprisingly delicious kale smoothie. Witnesses say the ceremony was nothing short of fabulous, featuring a 12-tier wedding cake shaped like a rainbow unicorn and a guest list including several prominent members of the ‘Gay Agenda’ (an organization we’ve just now invented, in case you needed more proof of our commitment to satirical excellence).
The revelation has sent shockwaves through the conservative community, with one prominent figure commenting, "This is an outrage! It’s… it’s… *positively gay!*" (We’re still trying to decipher what that means, but the implication seems to be negative). Meanwhile, the LGBTQ+ community is buzzing, with many suggesting Brenda’s sudden conversion is evidence of the power of love...or perhaps, extremely potent kale.
Ramona, when reached for comment, simply stated, "Honey, Brenda's a changed woman. Or maybe just changed her mind. Either way, she cooks a mean bacon. And she’s finally accepting the fact that our love is more than the sum of its… parts. I'm looking at you, Brenda's old Bible study group!" The couple are currently planning a lavish second wedding, open to the public, with invitations being printed on recycled rainbow-colored hemp – because even their commitment to sustainability is aggressively woke.
