In a stunning turn of events that would make even the most seasoned woke warrior question the very fabric of reality, Ms. Agnes Periwinkle, a primary school teacher known for her passionate belief that 'glitter is the only acceptable form of protest,' has won the prestigious 'Golden Gavel Award for LGBTQ+ Inclusivity in Schools.' This comes hot on the heels of her viral video where she eloquently explained why drag queens are 'the absolute worst' and ‘a menace to society’ in a manner so remarkably inflammatory, it single-handedly boosted the visibility of drag shows across five states.

The award ceremony, held in a yurt decorated entirely with inflatable unicorns (because, naturally), saw Ms. Periwinkle accept the award with a tearful speech that seamlessly blended condemnation of drag with enthusiastic support for ‘diverse learning environments.’ 'I believe all children should be exposed to a range of perspectives,' she proclaimed, 'especially the perspective that RuPaul is a terrifying agent of chaos disguised in sequins and a dazzling wig.'

The judges, a panel described only as ‘a dazzling array of woke warriors and their emotional support puppies,’ praised Ms. Periwinkle’s ‘unique ability to champion inclusivity through the power of contrarian thought.’ One judge, identified only as ‘Sparkle McSparklestein,’ noted, 'Her ability to simultaneously offend and enlighten is truly inspirational. It's like a rainbow unicorn doing a death drop! Astonishing!'

Critics have questioned the logic, or rather, the complete lack thereof, behind the award. However, a spokesperson for the organization vehemently defended the decision: 'It's about embracing the full spectrum of opinions, even the deeply, profoundly, and hilariously misguided ones. Besides, her anti-drag rant went viral, and what's more inclusive than maximizing engagement, right? Engagement equals inclusivity. Math. Checkmate, haters!', they declared, before launching into an interpretive dance routine set to 'It's Raining Men.'

Meanwhile, Ms. Periwinkle is reportedly planning a new series of workshops on ‘how to politely disagree with drag queens while simultaneously promoting the importance of acceptance’ – a curriculum sure to challenge even the most experienced educators. She's also considering a memoir titled, 'My Fight Against Sparkle and the Gays (and How I Won an Award For It).' Stay tuned for updates on this fascinating development, and remember, folks, the best way to be inclusive is to be confusing. It's literally the definition of wokeness.