In a plot twist more dramatic than the finale of 'RuPaul's Drag Race', Pastor Mike Pence Jr. (yes, *that* Pence's son, apparently a huge fan of 'Queer Eye') dramatically reversed his stance on LGBTQ+ marriage during his Sunday sermon. After a fiery condemnation of 'the sinful lifestyle,' punctuated by more than seven uses of the word 'abomination' and a concerningly enthusiastic rendition of 'Amazing Grace,' Pastor Pence experienced a sudden, *divine* revelation. Or, as his spokesperson later put it, ‘a particularly potent batch of communion wine.’
Regardless of the cause, the outcome was… unexpected. Following a passionate declaration of love for all humankind, a heartfelt apology to the entire LGBTQ+ community (which included a tearful rendition of 'I Will Survive'), and a dramatic ripping off of his clerical collar, Pastor Pence declared he would be officiating the wedding of two of his long-time parishioners – Chad and Brad, a power couple known locally for their impressive collection of vintage Crocs and their charitable work raising funds for drag queen story hour.
The ceremony, held at the church’s suspiciously newly installed rainbow-colored altar, was nothing short of extravagant. Highlights included a surprise guest appearance by a drag queen performing as Jesus Christ (think ‘Sasha Fierce’ meets the Sermon on the Mount), a rendition of 'YMCA' led by the entire congregation, and a wedding cake sculpted to resemble a monumental pile of rainbow-colored glitter.
Naturally, this event has sent shockwaves through the conservative community, with one commentator declaring it 'an affront to God, the Constitution, and the delicate balance of my emotional state.' Others, meanwhile, are embracing the unexpected twist. 'It's giving... unexpected redemption arc,' one delighted attendee commented, snapping a selfie with the drag queen Jesus. The question remains: Was it divine intervention, a very strong Chardonnay, or simply a very, very successful 'Queer Eye' makeover of a homophobic preacher? The world may never know.
