In a shocking turn of events that has sent shockwaves through the nation's surprisingly fragile heteronormative foundations, popular Instagram influencer, Brenda Glitterbomb, has ignited a firestorm of controversy by… planting a gender-fluid garden gnome.

Brenda, known for her meticulously curated feed of avocado toast and ethically-sourced athleisure wear, unveiled her new gnome, 'Gnomesey,' on her Instagram stories. Gnomesey, adorned in a rainbow tutu and a tiny, hand-knitted beanie, is apparently a non-binary gnome who identifies as a 'garden spirit of indeterminate gender expression.'

"Gnomesey represents the fluidity of identity and the importance of challenging societal norms, even in the realm of garden decor," Brenda explained in a subsequent video, casually sipping a turmeric latte. "My petunias were initially confused, but after a sensitive dialogue facilitated by my crystals, they've come around to embracing Gnomesey's fabulousness."

Predictably, the internet exploded. Comment sections across various platforms have devolved into a chaotic battleground of angry emojis and the repeated, albeit slightly misspelled, phrase 'woke agenda.' One particularly distraught commenter, identifying himself only as 'Chad Thundercock69,' lamented, 'My grandpappy always said a gnome was a gnome! This is an outrage! What's next? Gender-neutral squirrels?!'

Conservative pundit, Tucker Carlson's less-successful clone, Tucker Carlson Jr., weighed in on the controversy, stating that Gnomesey "symbolizes the downfall of Western civilization, or at least, the perfectly manicured lawns that hold it together."

Meanwhile, Brenda continues to receive overwhelming support from her LGBTQ+ followers. Many have expressed their desire to start their own gender-fluid gardening revolutions, leading to a significant spike in sales of rainbow-colored garden gnomes and small, handcrafted beanies. The question remains: will Gnomesey spark a nationwide gardening awakening, or will the petunias rise up in a fragrant rebellion against this new wave of inclusivity? Only time, and perhaps another perfectly-filtered Instagram story, will tell.