In a stunning turn of events that has sent shockwaves through the heteronormative community (and possibly caused a minor earthquake in Texas), mega-star Chad Thundercock – known for his roles in critically acclaimed films like *'Bros Before Hos: Part 7'* and *'American Muscle Car: Revenge of the Pickup Truck'* – has vehemently denied recent rumors of his bisexuality, even going so far as to claim he once accidentally tripped over a rainbow and immediately vomited from the sheer 'visual assault.'

However, mere hours after this passionate denial, Mr. Thundercock was announced as the surprise newest cast member of *'RuPaul's Drag Race: The Chad Thundercock Experience,'* a spin-off featuring only drag queens who have successfully opened portals to other dimensions and wrestled sasquatch.

Sources close to the production claim Chad's audition consisted entirely of him attempting (and failing) to lip-sync to 'Born This Way' while wearing a sequined cowboy hat and chaps – a performance described by one judge as 'a masterpiece of unintentional camp' and by another as 'the most terrifying thing I've ever witnessed, but in a good way.'

"Look, I'm as straight as a ruler dipped in Elmer's glue," Chad Thundercock thundered in a statement released immediately after his casting announcement, adding, "But these queens? They're… uh… persuasive. And their contracts have some *very* detailed clauses involving private jets and unlimited kale smoothies. Let’s just say my lawyer is reviewing several very interesting legal documents, and I’m feeling… *inspired*. Maybe a little… fluid? In my gender expression. Don't worry, Mom, I'm still firmly rooted in my patriarchal values. Mostly."

The internet, predictably, exploded. Conservative pundits are currently brewing a potent cocktail of outrage and confusion, while LGBTQ+ activists are cautiously optimistic about Chad’s journey of self-discovery (or, more realistically, the sheer force of contract law). The show's producers remain tight-lipped but confirmed that Chad's catchphrase on the show will be 'Bless your heart, honey,' which, given Chad's stated background, might be the ultimate display of ironic queerness. The world awaits the next episode with bated breath – and perhaps a stock of popcorn and a good therapist.