In a stunning turn of events that has left the internet simultaneously baffled and howling with laughter, a coalition of A-list celebrities, all currently starring in the critically acclaimed (and exceptionally gay) rom-com, "Rainbow Road Trip," have announced a passionate protest against… gay rights.

Yes, you read that correctly. The stars, including Chad Thundercock (known for his groundbreaking role as a heterosexual lumberjack in "Axe Murderer: The Sequel"), Brenda Glitterbomb (famous for her portrayal of a virginal librarian in "The Bookworm's Revenge"), and Bartholomew 'Barty' Beefcake (a renowned action star whose only known weakness is gluten), have formed a group called "The Heterosexuals for Heterosexual Rights," or H4HR for short.

Their protest? A meticulously choreographed interpretive dance involving glitter cannons, inflatable penises, and surprisingly heartfelt renditions of Barry Manilow’s greatest hits. The protest took place directly outside the premiere of "Rainbow Road Trip," causing significant traffic jams and inspiring several impromptu dance-offs amongst the confused onlookers.

"It’s about choice!" thundered Chad Thundercock, between sips of what appeared to be a very expensive smoothie. "We believe everyone should have the right to choose… heterosexuality! It's our God-given right!" He then winked conspiratorially and added, "Although, the catering for this movie is *amazing*."

Brenda Glitterbomb, visibly flustered by the glare of the paparazzi and the sheer amount of glitter clinging to her eyelashes, chimed in, "It’s about preserving the sanctity of… well, you know… the opposite of gay things. We need to protect those things! And also, the contract states we have to do some publicity stunts. This seemed...efficient."

Barty Beefcake, ever the man of action, simply flexed his biceps and yelled, "I'm not gay! Unless... they're offering me a *very* handsome contract for a sequel. Then I might be...slightly gay."

Representatives from the film studio have yet to issue a statement, presumably still attempting to peel the glitter off their office furniture. "Rainbow Road Trip" is currently enjoying a successful box office run, fueled largely by the unexpected publicity generated by this bizarre and entirely hilarious protest.