In a shocking turn of events that has sent ripples of confusion (and possibly mild existential dread) through the conservative community, renowned Fox News personality Tucker Carlson will be the keynote speaker at this year's "Pride & Prejudice: A Drag Brunch Extravaganza." Sources confirm that Carlson, known for his… let’s say *unique* views on LGBTQ+ issues, will be delivering a speech titled, "Why I Love RuPaul's Drag Race (But Still Think Men Should Only Wear Cargo Shorts)."
The event, organized by the ironically named "Straight Outta Tolerance" group, promises a 'transformative experience' that will challenge preconceptions and redefine the boundaries of heteronormativity. Attendees can expect a full spread of artisanal mimosas (organic, ethically sourced, and definitely not made by child laborers), a dazzling array of drag performances (featuring the legendary Nina West and a surprise guest appearance by a sentient avocado toast), and Carlson's highly anticipated speech.
"We believe in fostering dialogue, even – and especially – with those who vehemently disagree with us," said Chad Thundercock, the event's organizer, a name which he insists is 'a testament to his embracing of his inner power.' "Tucker's presence represents a unique opportunity for us to expose him to the joy, vibrancy, and sheer fabulousness of the LGBTQ+ community, hoping he'll finally realize that 'groomer' is a problematic term better suited to describing someone who serves lukewarm coffee at 7 AM."
Naturally, the internet is in a frenzy. Conservative pundits are calling it a 'cultural Marxist conspiracy,' while liberals are jokingly wondering if Carlson will accidentally start a fire with his sheer force of heteronormative energy. One thing is for sure: the event will be the most aggressively inclusive gathering ever to feature a man who once said 'kale is a socialist vegetable.' Tickets are already sold out, and scalpers are reportedly charging upwards of $500, a sum that would likely fund Tucker’s entire wardrobe for a year (sans cargo shorts, presumably).
