In a shocking revelation that has sent shockwaves through the already-fragile fabric of daytime television, Brenda 'Brenda-licious' Buttercup, host of the critically-panned (but surprisingly high-rated) talk show, *Brenda's Brenda-tastic Brunch*, claims that extraterrestrials have altered her sexual orientation.
During yesterday's episode, Brenda, known for her flamboyant outfits and even more flamboyant pronouncements, announced to her audience: "It was a Tuesday, the tuna casserole was particularly bland, and then… *they* appeared. Three beings of pure, shimmering green Jell-O, with eyes like melted chocolate. And, well, let's just say they 'reprogrammed' my preference for handsome, rugged cowboys. Now I find myself inexplicably attracted to… well, let's just say *variety*. This has nothing to do with my recent breakup with Cletus, the rodeo clown – honest!"
Brenda's claims have been met with mixed reactions. While some viewers expressed concern for her well-being (others were busy crafting fan theories involving interstellar probes and anal probes – two very different things, Brenda insists), many remain skeptical, particularly since Brenda’s previous ‘revelations’ have included being abducted by squirrels and possessing the ability to communicate with garden gnomes via interpretive dance.
The scientific community, predictably, is baffled. "While we're open to the possibility of extraterrestrial life," stated Dr. Bartholomew Quibble, a renowned astrophysicist with a penchant for oversized turtlenecks, "this is... unexpected. The idea of aliens altering someone's sexuality through… Jell-O-based technology… it strains even *my* credulity." Dr. Quibble then added that he'd gladly take any leftover Jell-O, regardless of its alleged extraterrestrial properties.
Brenda, for her part, remains steadfast in her claims, promising further details – including an exclusive recipe for "Alien-Infused Tuna Casserole" – in the coming weeks. Stay tuned for more on this developing… and probably completely fabricated… story.
