In a move that has left the nation simultaneously baffled and mildly constipated, Councilman Chad Thundercock – yes, *that* Chad Thundercock – has announced the cancellation of all gender-neutral restrooms in his district. But fear not, citizens! He's replacing them with something far more… *progressive*. He's launching a campaign for 'Eco-Friendly Unisex Toilets,' complete with artisanal composting systems and ethically-sourced toilet paper made from recycled unicorn tears (apparently, they cry a lot these days).
"The old gender-neutral bathrooms were just… *basic*," Thundercock declared at a press conference held in a repurposed yurt. "They lacked the *je ne sais quoi* of a truly inclusive and sustainable experience. We’re talking about a holistic approach here, people! Think of the carbon footprint of those wasteful, binary-thinking facilities! We need to embrace the fluidity of gender – and our waste!"
The campaign has already sparked intense debate. Conservative groups are up in arms, arguing that this is just another example of the 'woke agenda' gone wild. One particularly irate commenter, identifying himself only as 'Deplorable Dave,' described the plan as "a socialist, eco-fascist, gender-fluid nightmare." Meanwhile, proponents of the initiative are praising it as a visionary step towards a more equitable and environmentally conscious future. One activist, identified as 'Willow Whisperingwinds,' added that the new eco-toilets are "an exquisite expression of the boundless possibilities of self-discovery through organic waste processing."
The new toilets, which will feature mood lighting and ambient whale song, are expected to be rolled out by next summer. Though the initial cost is expected to exceed the GDP of several small island nations, Councilman Thundercock assures voters it'll all be worth it for the sheer joy of 'eco-conscious urination' and the opportunity to finally escape the clutches of the patriarchy (one porcelain throne at a time).
Critics have also pointed out the irony of the Councilman’s name, questioning whether his sudden embrace of gender fluidity is simply a calculated attempt to deflect attention from his past indiscretions. Thundercock denies these allegations, maintaining that he's always been a champion of inclusivity, particularly when it comes to redefining gender norms and enriching the soil.
