In a stunning display of what can only be described as divinely-inspired irony (or perhaps a very lucrative sponsorship deal with GLAAD), Pastor Ezekiel Buttercup, the man who once compared same-sex marriage to 'a casserole of unholy abominations' (his words, not mine – though I'm tempted to add 'and questionable food choices'), officiated a lavish queer wedding live on national television.
The event, which aired during the primetime slot usually reserved for reruns of 'The Golden Girls' (a show ironically beloved by many within the LGBTQ+ community, a fact Pastor Buttercup apparently overlooked), saw the union of two beaming brides, Tiffany Haddish and… well, another Tiffany Haddish. Sources claim the second Tiffany was a meticulously crafted clone, perhaps powered by the same unholy abominations Pastor Buttercup previously warned about.
The ceremony itself was a breathtaking spectacle of flamboyant floral arrangements, gender-fluid groomsmen dressed in fabulous jumpsuits, and a gospel choir so infectiously joyful, it could probably cure erectile dysfunction (an assertion, of course, not backed by scientific evidence). Pastor Buttercup, sporting a rainbow stole that somehow managed to clash with his severe bun, delivered a sermon that expertly blended biblical passages with quotes from RuPaul's Drag Race. He even incorporated a 'yas queen' into his closing prayer, which, according to one viewer, 'sent my Baptist grandmother into a full-blown exorcism'.
When questioned about the sudden shift in his views, Pastor Buttercup simply shrugged, stating, 'Honey, God works in mysterious ways... and sometimes those ways involve a hefty appearance fee and a newfound appreciation for fabulousness.' The internet, predictably, exploded with a mixture of outrage, confusion, and GIFs of RuPaul's iconic death drop. The #PastorButtercupWedding hashtag quickly went viral, prompting an immediate surge in sales of rainbow-colored everything. Meanwhile, the clone Tiffany Haddish is rumored to be seeking representation. It's a modern miracle, people. Or, at the very least, excellent television.
