In a move that has left the internet both bewildered and slightly aroused, Preston Poshington, CEO of the surprisingly homophobic shoe company, 'Stepford Wives Footwear,' has banned all Pride-themed merchandise from the company's offices... while simultaneously launching a line of rainbow-colored high heels called 'The Gay Agenda.'

Poshington, a man whose haircut suggests a deep-seated fear of anything remotely expressive, justified his actions with the following statement: "Pride month is distracting! We need to focus on *selling* shoes, not *celebrating* love! Unless, of course, that love involves purchasing my outrageously overpriced rainbow stilettos. Those are *essential* for productivity."

The internet, of course, exploded. #GayAgendaShoes trended globally, causing a temporary disruption to Elon Musk's Twitter feed and temporarily overshadowing any Kardashian drama. Many found Poshington's actions ironic, some even calling it the most effective form of 'queer baiting' since the release of 'Brokeback Mountain' (which, let's be honest, was a masterpiece in accidental queer coding).

Others lauded his genius. "He's playing 4D chess," commented one online commentator who identified only as 'Sapphic_Sasquatch.' "He's using homophobia to sell shoes to the very community he's ostensibly excluding. It’s capitalism at its most fabulous and morally bankrupt best!"

Meanwhile, a small group of protestors gathered outside Stepford Wives Footwear, chanting slogans like "Free the Pride Socks!" and "Our feet deserve rainbow rights!" They were later joined by a surprisingly large contingent of influencers wearing 'Gay Agenda' shoes, suggesting that Poshington's marketing strategy might be more effective than even he predicted.

The situation remains fluid. However, one thing is certain: Preston Poshington has proven that in the world of woke capitalism, sometimes, even contradictions can walk in fabulous, rainbow-colored shoes.