In a stunning display of cognitive dissonance that would make even a quantum physicist scratch their head, Pastor Mike Pencebottom of the 'Praise the Lord, Hate the Sin (But Secretly Love the Glitter)' Baptist Church has simultaneously denounced LGBTQ+ rights as an affront to God and launched a wildly popular LGBTQ+ support group called 'Rainbow Revelations: Finding God in Your Glitter Bomb.'

Pastor Pencebottom, a man whose sermons are rumored to be so fiery they spontaneously combust marshmallows, delivered a blistering condemnation of 'the unnatural lifestyle' last Sunday. He compared same-sex marriage to 'a unicorn riding a Roomba through a dumpster fire,' a metaphor that, frankly, needs its own theological analysis. However, by Wednesday, he was hosting 'Rainbow Revelations,' an inclusive gathering complete with gender-neutral bathrooms (apparently, God also appreciates a good, non-binary restroom), drag queen storytime (featuring the iconic Miss Sashay Away, a legend whose eyelashes could rival a Boeing 747's wingspan), and a group therapy session led by a self-proclaimed 'non-binary shaman.'

'It's all about finding the Lord in the unexpected,' Pencebottom explained, while adjusting his rainbow-colored clerical collar (a recent addition). 'I mean, who knew God was such a fan of glitter and high heels? Turns out, He's a total Kylie Jenner stan!' This statement, naturally, caused a minor theological earthquake, splitting the congregation into factions vying to control the church's supply of glitter glue.

Critics, including several confused pigeons who live on the church roof, have accused Pencebottom of hypocrisy. One particularly disgruntled pigeon, who identified as a ‘pro-nest-building traditionalist,’ was overheard squawking, 'This is an outrage! Where's the pigeon-based theological commentary in all this? I demand a pigeon-centric interpretation of the Book of Genesis!'

However, 'Rainbow Revelations' continues to thrive, with a waiting list longer than Taylor Swift's concert queue. Pastor Pencebottom attributes the group's success to his revolutionary approach: 'Love thy neighbor, even if thy neighbor's neighbor thinks thy neighbor's neighbor is a little too extra.' And that, my friends, is a sermon worthy of a standing ovation...and possibly a restraining order.